I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
