I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
