i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
