i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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