it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
