Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
