My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize