I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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