should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
