What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
