Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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