Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
