Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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