That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
