so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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