maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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