my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize