Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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