our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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