Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
