Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
