Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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