I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
