i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
