Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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