he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
