Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
where does the pee come out of this thing
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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