Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
PANTIES FOUND
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