They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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