I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
