tell your sister to shave her snatch
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
