On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
