I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
