I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
