the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
