I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
