i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
