apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
