i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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