We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
