she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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