i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
