Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
