so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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