forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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