So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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