oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
