Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Me too!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
