who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
