i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
